This blog is as honest as it gets.
I’m cooked!
I have nothing left to give myself and minimal to give others.
I was talking to my good friend Cath this morning and was honest with her when I said I could feel myself slipping back in to a depression, and yet, I feel guilty that I feel this way when there are others in a far worse position than me.
You see, Cath is in a wheelchair, and here I am lamenting about the crap year I’ve had with back pain. Cath stopped me, and said “it’s all relative to who we are and where we are at.” She then went on to share how she had to protect herself very carefully the first 12 plus months of her recovery. I am allowed to feel crappy.
The closer it has got to Christmas the more anxious I have become.
It was after some deep thought, I realised, I am someone who likes to reconcile my year. Crossing the T’s and dotting the i’s.
This past year I have had to forgive and move on from Doctors who had gas lit me with my back pain. I’ve had to undergo a huge back operation. Trying to run a business without me being there, and watch it lose money. Be a friend, wife, mother and boss.
It’s been a lot.
And guess what? It’s ok I feel like this.
What’s not ok, is to do nothing about it.
My gameplay:
Share how I am feeling with my GP and loved ones.
Start TMS again.
Start walking and Pilates again. (Funny how when your exercise disappears, everything goes to shit!)
Take time over the break to organise a holiday with my husband.
Allow myself to have a break.
A lot of us feel overwhelmed this time of year and that’s ok.
Share how you are feeling with a friend, go for a walk, talk to your GP if these feeling progress.
You and your feelings are valid.
Don’t ever forget that!
With love
Bek x
